Blue or brown – that beard has got to go!

download “There was, some time ago, a gentleman who was very rich. He had fine town and country houses, his dishes and plates were all of gold or silver, his rooms were hung with damask, his chairs and sofas were covered with the richest silks, and his carriages were all gilt with gold in a grand style. But it happened that this gentleman had a blue beard, which made him so very frightful and ugly, that none of the ladies, in the parts where he lived, would venture to go into his company.”

THAT’S HOW I FEEL ABOUT THE GAZILLION BEARDS OUT THERE! ITS’ ENOUGH ALREADY. I want to, not only see your face, but I want to feel it and maybe even kiss it. Listen, my Pa had a beard way before it was ridiculously trendy, and he was handsome, cute, distinguished, special even. But he would have been clean shaven if everyone and their mother had a damn beard, just to have been the only one without one.

I do love bears and dogs and many furry creatures, but not in the human form.410It’s usually the case, that men complain about some trend that women have adopted, like wearing clogs or Crocks and how ugly and un-sexy they are, as they watch the game non-stop, completely ignoring you because of such unappetizing footwear. But, all ya gotta do is kick them off and strip down to your skivvies to get their attention back. I’m ready to walk around with an electric razor! Trendy be damned. “I hate shaving,” you say – too bad! Do you know what kind of hair removal and all around maintenance we have to do to please your eyes?? And yes I know many Gay guys think it’s hot in a grizzly Adams/real-man-sort-of-way, but really – I can’t see you. Who are you? Your face is your imprint. It’s your message of authenticity and uniqueness. It’s who you are. Six packs are good, Biceps and broad shoulders are lovely. A pleasant and preferably purring deep voice is fabulous… but your face – DUDE, BRO. I need to see your freakin’ face.

This is not cute.  286722-this-is-beard

Nor is this.brad-pitt-beard

And does every player on every team have to be beardy twins? It makes me itch just looking at all of you beasts.

download (1)

This is okay.beard17 THIS IS BETTER George_Clooney-4_The_Men_Who_Stare_at_Goats_TIFF09_(cropped)

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